I need to vent somewhere. I am so pissed off. Mostly at myself, I don't know how many alarms I slept through, but apparently only two out of four. Still, I don't know whether it would've made a difference. I guess I should make some of my alarms even more severe. I could always put my brothers computer on, turn the volume up the ass and then just let the sound blast my (and everyone else's brain. In fact, I'm going to do just that, It's going to be my last straw.
I would just want time to pass by faster so I'd get to napping again and back to the same point I was. I hate having so much time when I don't feel like doing anything. It's not that I'm so tired or something, I'm just so frushtrated. Mentally I've not been on my best but not far from it either.
I was thinking last night that it was being too easy. I just walked the tiredness away before the fateful nap. It's impossible for me to win if I can't wake up to alarms. It's not the frushtrtation actually. It's the feeling of hopelessness. My sis is just leaving the place so I'll have no help either, since rest of the family haven't exactly been supportive. Maybe I could get a human back-up on some of the naps, but only like couple in a day. It's hard to keep going on. I refuse to give up so soon as fourth day, but all the while I intellectually know that I'm not going to have a high chance of success.
If I could do this next days without oversleeping, this would be the perfect spot to adjust. I don't have to over-exert myself playing football or anything before monday, which will be the fifth day after oversleeping.
Why must it go from easy to just failure? Can't there be middle ground?
My today's goal is just to not miss any of my naps. I suspect I get a REM-nap for the first again, but like I've said, whatever. I'm not worried about oversleeping, I still have some confidence in my alarms, though not much. It was more my head being messed up and completely putting wrong times in couple of them. Still, the most important ones went of and weren't enough to wake me up. It must be the worst feeling of the world when you realise you have overslept. At least if feels like that now.
I should probably start some project and try to get over it, but it's not easy. But yeah, one more oversleep and it's over, I think. If this doesn't work, fine, just let's go back to monophasic and then after some time I might start biphasic sleep again. But I just really would hope.
My avoiding oversleep list (to-do indefinetely):
- Move the alarms around a bit
- Have intense last back-up alarm by using your brother's computer during the night (I know I'll get into trouble when this happens since it's speakers can be much louder)
- Sleep in alternative places during nights.
- I could try sleeping on my back during those hardest night-time naps. I don't know how it'd help, but I'm willing to try anything at this point.
- I wish I could think more of these.
- Double and triple check every alarm that they're set to right time.
If I fail, I'm gonna go overboard in my next attempt some day. Have like million of back-up alarms etc.